I do not know what time of day it is. Nor what day of the week. I could not say for certain what month it is right now, and I know I don’t know what year it is. I have no idea how I got here, and I do not seem to have plans to go anywhere else. I am standing near a tree, but I do not know types of trees very well so I won’t say what kind it might be. I am happy that the tree is here since otherwise I would be nowhere. If someone were to come along and ask me how I am, I could at least say, “I am near a tree!”

Truth be told, I am afraid to get too close to the tree. I imagine approaching it, reaching out to touch it only for it to fall over and reveal its fraud. Then when someone asks me a question, I would feel compelled to say, “I am near a façade of a tree!” which sounds unnecessary. And yet, it seems a lie to leave out the fact that it is a fake, a stand-in for a real tree.

I do not have anything else to do so I stand here and think about this some more.

Now there is a man approaching from some direction. When he is close enough, he gives me a quick nod and says, “Good day.”

“Yes,” I respond, “it is a good day isn’t it, sir? Unseasonably warm for this time of year though. I daresay it won’t do this English tree here any good, but I don’t need to tell you that! Well, I best be going! Today is my birthday and I am late for lunch with a friend. Good day!”

And off I walk in no particular direction with no particular place to go.